Secrets, Secrets Are No Fun…

When I was younger, like in elementary school,  I had a crush on this boy. Let’s call him Jack Steele for privacy purposes.

Either way, I had about the biggest crush you could have when you were at the age where cooties still existed. My friends and I would play with him and his friends and, let’s just say that whenever I was it, I always tagged him first, being careful to not do it all the time so that he wouldn’t know I liked him. I even mentioned him a few times in my journal, writing his name in pretty fonts while I held a flashlight under my chin and the covers up with my left arm.

But, as all public school crushes go, I moved on to middle school and never saw him again. We went to completely different high schools and he never even crossed my mind except for when I was talking with my friends about first crushes.

Needless to say, I moved on with life. Early in my high school years, my parents got divorced and I stopped going to my home church, with the exception of youth group. Instead I went to 2 different church services, all depending on who I was with that Sunday morning. So, when graduation Sunday came around at my home church, I was excited to be go back for a service there and see everyone I didn’t see in youth group.

Little did I know that my elementary school crush, good ‘ole Jack Steele, was now attending that church with his family. In fact, he was one of the four graduating seniors. It did not take me long at all to connect the pieces and engage in slight conversation, all while having this huge freak out session in my mind that I was seeing my first ever crush again in for what seemed like forever. I mean, since I had seen him, I had gotten a license, braces, a boyfriend, an ex-boyfriend, a college decision, and much more.

And of course after the service, my mom, being a mom, came up to him and is family (with me keenly keeping watch of them, I might add) and started to strike up a conversation. Or an embarrassing story, in mom terms.

“I remember when Camden had a huge crush on you, Jack. She used to go around the house singing your name.”

My mind was screaming danger at her remark, yet I stayed in my spot near her. I couldn’t believe it. The crush I thought I had so carefully hid, that I thought I had so meticulously kept only within my mind, was actually a lot more…obvious than I thought.

“Mom, I’m going to go wait in the car,” Jack mumbled then stepped out of the conversation towards his safe heaven. I made some sort of an excuse up to and left the parents to talk. I needed to think.

I thought I was so secret about my crush for Jack Steele. In fact, every time I mentioned him in my high school and middle school years, I always huddled my friends close to me as if I was telling them something no other ears had heard. Yet, the entire time it was so obvious, so blatant to the rest of the world.

God is just like my mother, yet on a more serious and glorious level. He knows the deepest depths of your heart and, although he won’t be blurting out your elementary school crushes to bystanders (or at least I hope not), He has the ultimate decision in how your life and death is handled.

Now, in no way am I saying you need to be the holiest of holies. Not at all. Actually, if you tried that, then you would end up straining and pulling yourself too hard. Trust me, it is not possible.

What I’m saying is that confession can be a wonderful thing. Everything from the small tedious task you completed today to that one time you completely disowned your sister for doing something that really wasn’t that big of a deal. All of it. He already knows all of it, but telling Him makes it more… real. Just like when you are a child and admit your wrong doing your parents. Even though there is shattered glass all over the kitchen, there is something about verbally acknowledging it happened, and more importantly that you played a part in it, that solidifies it.

It’s amazing what confession to God can do. Giving it all to Him and no longer having to carry the burden by yourself is truly a rewarding and humbling experience.

And it won’t end up with your elementary school crush ‘going to the car’ because he is so uncomfortable.

This is part of my “I am a woman” blog posts, which you can find here, my “I am an observer” blog posts, which you can find here, and my “I am Christian” blog posts, which you can find here. All posts can be found here.
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