For this upcoming summer I had two possibilities:
1) A two-month long training program for living as a Christian in the real world.
2) A two-month long mission trip where you go to different different sites and are basically a student leader to a bunch of high school and middle schoolers.
Both required an application. Both required a deposit of about the same amount. Both seemed like great opportunities to grow in my faith.
Both were at the exact same time.
Barely off by a week, I had to choose. Should I get trained or train others?
I was very wishy-washy on this matter, to say the least. One week I was for option 1, the other for option 2, and then a second later I would be all for option 1 again. I obviously couldn’t decide, so I asked others for help. I discussed with people who both new me as a friend and a sister in Christ. I got advice.
After asking basically everyone in my various Christian groups, I still had no idea. Some people said I should do option 1, some said option 2, most said God’s will be done.
But one person told me to do the one that scared me the most, option 2. Option two scared the living daylight and nighttime out of me. I felt so unprepared. I felt so untrained. I felt like this opportunity was too hard for me to handle.
May God equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.
But I knew God would equip me. He would train me for His work.
I figured that meant I would be doing option 2. I figured the harder task was meant for me. Even though I felt like I was majorly underqualified, I knew that God would equip me. I never really connected Hebrews 13:21 with the other option.
Until I did not get accepted into option 2.
Weirdly, I wasn’t as heartbroken as I thought I would be. Sure, I thought that option 2 was what God wanted me to do, but what I think God wants me to do is not always the same (who am I kidding, most of the time it is not the same) as what God has planned for me.
It’s funny actually, looking back on it now, that verse that my friend introduced to me applies more to option 1. God equips, but it doesn’t just happen over night. It is a process, and that process would be implemented in option 1.
In believing that I what I wanted to become true was what God wanted for me, I fooled myself. I became the god of my future. So, here in this moment of not getting accepted into option 2, I am reminded of one thing.
God is all omnipotent; I am not.